Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: How to Change It and Claim the Life You Desire

Have you ever predicted that something undesirable would happen to you, and it came true?

For example, when you believed you were going to have an awful day and then it happened — your dog got sick on the new rug, you spilled coffee on your blouse on the way to the office, you were late to your important client meeting because you had to return home to change… you were irritable and overwhelmed the entire day.

But… was it premonition? Or… was it a self-fulfilling prophecy?

It might be hard to hear… but the truth is, these kinds of negative self-fulfilling prophecies are setting you up to fail. What if you could use them to set yourself up for success instead?

In this article, we’ll explore the self-fulfilling prophecy — what is it, how it can harm you, and how you can use it to access the joy and ease you desire.

What is a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?

A self-fulfilling prophecy occurs when you predict an outcome, and you then take actions that effectively create that end result.

A self-fulfilling prophecy can be hard to spot because you often perform those actions subconsciously. You don’t realize you’re going against your well-being in the moment.

For example, if you have low self-esteem, you might feel you’re unworthy of love and joy. Because you believe you’re unworthy, you stop loving and caring for yourself and building support systems.

Unfortunately, the above scenario is unconducive to personal growth and limits the potential for love and joy in your life.

The Harmful Effects of a Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Self-fulfilling prophecies confirm the powerful connection between your belief and actions. Your thoughts influence your actions, and your actions perpetuate your beliefs. Click To Tweet

If your self-fulfilling prophecies tell you that you’re not smart enough or pretty enough or not worthy and you believe it, it can seriously harm your well-being. You may experience:

  • Anger
  • Helplessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Shame
  • Depression
  • Social withdrawal
  • Substance abuse

Self-fulfilling prophecies confirm the powerful connection between your belief and actions. Your thoughts influence your actions, and your actions perpetuate your beliefs.

Once these limiting beliefs take hold of your life, the cycle repeats. Your thoughts tell you you’re not good enough, you take actions against your well-being, and your reality then confirms your beliefs.

When you’re stuck in this loop, what can you do about it?

Breaking the Cycle

As with anything, awareness is the first step toward breaking this cycle. By acknowledging that this pattern exists, you can then take steps to change it.

The following tips will help you curb your self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors. Then you can choose beliefs that empower you instead.

Create a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy That Empowers You

#1 Stop the All or Nothing Mentality

Have you ever experienced thoughts like this?

  • I always screw things up.
  • I will never find someone who loves me because I can’t even love myself.
  • This always happens, no matter what I do.
  • I’ll never find peace.

Your language influences your beliefs. Words like “always” and “never” contribute to self-limiting phrases that make it easy to perpetuate what isn’t true. This binary makes it easier to fall prey to unwanted self-fulfilling prophecies.

But here’s the thing, life isn’t an all or nothing scenario. 

Life may not go your way 100% of the time, but you can still influence what you do and how you react. If you fail once, it does not mean you’re destined for failure forever.

You are not a victim of your circumstances.

The next time you experience a setback, accept that it happened. Then, find the lesson and use it to your advantage in the future.

#2 Acknowledge and Embrace Your Strengths

If I asked you to create a list of your strengths, how difficult of a task would it be?

Would you have to think for a moment? How long would your list be?

See, we often create self-fulfilling prophecies because we believe we’re without strengths.

However, that is untrue.

Each woman — yes, that means YOU — has the capacity to grow, receive love, and experience joy. You can manifest your gifts and share them with the people around you.

I invite you to list all your achievements and strengths now. Your strengths could be interpersonal, like amazing listening skills, or professional, like impeccable time management. List all of them.

If you’re struggling with your list, ask a trustworthy friend what they experience as your strengths. Seeing yourself through the eyes of a cherished companion can help you recognize the value and worth hiding behind your self-critical dialogue.

#3 Visualize Success

We often associate self-fulfilling prophecies with adverse outcomes. But what if you could, instead, predict a favorable scenario? Instead of imagining failure, you see yourself overcoming your challenges.

When you visualize success, you prime your mind and body to manifest that outcome. “The brain is getting trained for actual performance during visualization,” said AJ Adams, MAPP with Psychology Today, “It’s been found that mental practices can enhance motivation, increase confidence and self-efficacy, improve motor performance, prime your brain for success, and increase states of flow.”

So, how do you do it?

Focus on sensory and emotional details:

  • Visualize the setting. (Where are you? Are you alone or with people? Is it the morning or afternoon?) Be specific.
  • Imagine each individual action necessary to manifest your success.
  • Picture yourself successfully performing those actions.
  • Experience how you’d feel completing each action.
  • Embrace the glow and pride you’d feel when you’ve accomplished your goal.

When you imagine yourself taking the actions and experiencing the rewards of success, you can manifest that vision as your reality.

#4 Overcome Your Mental and Emotional Blocks

Despite your best efforts, it can sometimes feel like you’re getting nowhere. Unfortunately, you may have some type of mental or emotional block hampering your growth.

If so, you will need to dissolve those mental and emotional blocks to claim the life you desire. Until you do, you’re more likely to experience undesirable self-fulfilling prophecies.

For additional support with overcoming those blocks and manifesting greater ease and joy in your life, claim your Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session with me. 

In this 60-minute consultation, you’ll:

  • Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you no longer have so much on your plate and are enjoying your life again
  • Get simple and practical tips for how to break free from your symptoms of overwhelm
  • Tap into greater energy and inspiration 
  • Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.

Click here now to schedule a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session.

 

Mini Personal Habits: 6 Ways to Break the Burnout Cycle and Embrace Greater Ease

Are you wondering if there’s more to life than feeling overwhelmed?

Do you desire more space because your schedule is packed?

Is stress affecting your health and relationships?

If you answered yes to any of these, you’re not alone. Sometimes, it feels like you’re stuck in a cycle of overworking yourself, coping with the signs of burnout, and praying for relief. When you’re trapped in the cycle for long enough, your motivation wanes, your relationships become strained, and your performance suffers.

You want to create positive change, but chances are, you won’t break the cycle overnight.

Still, you can create mini changes one day at a time. 

One small habit at a time.

Last month, we talked about letting go of the things that weigh you down:

This week is different. Instead of sharing what to let go, I’m sharing mini personal habits that you can embrace. When you practice these habits for long enough, you do more than exit the burnout cycle — you claim a life of greater ease.

The Power of Habits

When you form personal mini habits, you’re not just adding something else to your to-do list. You’re becoming a more resilient version of who you are.

For example, waking up 30 minutes earlier to do something that benefits you on a physical, mental, or spiritual level is more than just getting out of bed early. When you create this habit, you’re becoming someone who cares deeply about herself.

James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, shares the relationship between habits and identity. “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become,” Clear wrote. “No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”

In other words, one day will hardly make a difference. But weeks of faithfully practicing your habits can manifest the incredible and beautiful changes you desire. While each woman’s goals may vary, the following six habits will lead you to greater joy and ease.

6 Personal Habits to Practice Daily for More Joy and Ease In Your Life

#1 Have A Morning Practice

While the world sleeps, use this time to tune into your body. Before fulfilling what other people ask of you, first listen to what your mind and body ask of you. Click To Tweet

Before calls, texts, emails, and children beg for your attention, the morning offers a moment for silence and reflection. While the world sleeps, use this time to tune into your body. Before fulfilling what other people ask of you, first listen to what your mind and body ask of you. Their request might be physical, like more water and sleep. Or it might be emotional, like a deep and heartfelt conversation with a close friend.

A morning practice looks different for everyone, yet it need not be complicated. The following activities can help you tap into your inner dialogue:

  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Journaling
  • Prayer
  • Reading
  • Walking outside

Each of the above activities will strengthen your mind and body over time. Each morning you choose to fulfill upon your practice, you’ll feel a little more grounded and balanced. This resilience enables you to maintain a positive mindset throughout the day, which provides the opportunity to move closer to achieving your goals with joy and ease. 

#2 Set An Alarm For Bedtime

Alarms aren’t just for waking up. You can also set an alarm for when it’s time to get ready for bed.

When following a morning practice, don’t make the mistake of sacrificing quality sleep. When your sleep suffers, you feel tired, irritable, and unmotivated. Getting adequate sleep — 7 to 8 hours — will keep you energized and motivated as you pursue your goals.

Making your sleep a priority is one way to love and honor your body. Just as your morning alarm tells you when to get up, your evening alarm reminds you that you can rejuvenate your body by preparing for a restful night’s sleep.

#3 Name 5 Things You’re Grateful For

Manifesting more joy in your life begins with acknowledging the blessings that already exist.

The bare minimum you need to survive is food, water, and shelter. Anything beyond this is a gift. Whether it’s nutrition, shelter, a healthy family or good friends, these things are all worth acknowledgment and appreciation.

Each day, pause for a few seconds.

Think of 5 things that you’re grateful for at this very moment. Then express your appreciation by saying aloud, “I am grateful for ______.” 

I’ll share 5 things I’m grateful for right now: “I am grateful for my loving family, my cuddly cat, my comfortable home, my caring friends, and my fabulous mentors and coaches.”

Even during times of overwhelm, there is still much to appreciate. This daily gratitude practice will remind you to be joyful in the present while being open to receive the abundance yet to come.

#4 Reach Out And Connect

Powerful support systems contribute to a life full of love, warmth, and joy.

But we sometimes take the people we cherish for granted.

The truth is that our loved one won’t always be there. Our time on this physical plane is finite. 

These recent months of self-isolation may have distanced you from those special people. It’s time to rebuild those bridges.

Take advantage of every moment you can to reach out and connect.

Time may feel insufficient, but love and joy can be infinite. Manifest both of these in your life through the relationships you keep. A simple text message or a phone call is all you need to keep those support systems strong. 

#5 Eat A Home-cooked Meal

Your body is something else you might be taking for granted.

The time spent sheltered at home may have had you ordering take-out or delivery more often than is healthy. To show your body more appreciation, start feeding it delicious and nutritious foods.

Head to the grocery store and pull out your kitchen apron. Or, if you’re like me and want someone else to do the legwork, sign up for one of the meal delivery services that provide all the ingredients. Then, all you have to do is put the meal together. Eating a healthy home-cooked meal (don’t skip the vegetables!) will build the daily habit of respecting your body.

Your body will reward you with more energy, a sharper mind, and brighter skin over time. And as you enjoy this increased vitality and desire, you will manifest your vision with greater ease.

#6 Step Outside

While many non-essential businesses are reopening, many gyms remain closed.

Fortunately, you don’t need a gym to get your steps in.

You can step outside, feel the warm sunshine, and breathe in the fresh air — all without the price of a monthly gym membership.

According to Lifehacker, stepping outside can also promote mindfulness and reduce stress. “When things get overwhelming, as they so often do nowadays,” they wrote, “putting on a pair of comfortable shoes and going for a short walk—while maintaining proper physical distancing of course—can help bring a little calm to a chaotic world.” 

This can be especially true if you’re working from home. Leaving your home to embrace the outdoors can bring much-needed separation from stress triggered by your work-from-home environment.

Don’t Let Overwhelm Block You From Your Best Life

2020 hardly feels like living your best life. Coping with COVID-19 and social injustice introduced new challenges and stressors that may reinforce the burnout cycle.

Yet you don’t have to postpone inner peace to 2021 and beyond. These daily habits teach you that even small actions, when done daily, can introduce powerful and long-lasting change — change that will create more joy and ease in your life.

Your journey doesn’t have to be a solitary one either. If you need additional support, claim a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session with me. 

In this 60-minute consultation, you’ll:

  • Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you no longer have so much on your plate and are enjoying your life again
  • Get simple and practical tips for how to break free from your symptoms of overwhelm
  • Tap into greater energy and inspiration 
  • Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.

Click here now to schedule a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session.

Say Goodbye to Overwhelm and Learn How to Live Your Best Life NOW

“Don’t wait for the right opportunity. Create it.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Ever feel like your best life is just a fantasy?

Waking up every morning feeling empowered… Moving through the day with intense focus… Knocking out tasks left and right, carrying you closer to your goals… Not even coronavirus can bring you down!

It’s a pretty thought.

But how can you reach among the stars where your best life is hiding, when you’re drowning in a sea of overwhelm? On top of that, the added stress from coronavirus makes you feel like you’re sinking deeper and deeper.

I’m here to tell you that there’s more to life than struggling to stay afloat. The life you desire doesn’t have to stay a dream. You can make that vision your reality.

You can take action and learn how to live your best life NOW.

Here’s how…

What Does It Mean to Live Your Best Life?

When you’re living your best life, you bring these three principles into fruition:

  1. Actualize Your Potential. You manifest the potential that’s within you.
  2. Exercise Urgency. You acknowledge your mortality and even in these uncertain times, you choose to start living your best life TODAY.
  3. Commit to Daily Action. You take an action step every day, because that’s how you create your best life.

When you apply these principles in your life, you’ll start noticing some beautiful changes:

  • You feel inspired and experience more joy.
  • Your career becomes a source of purpose in your life. 
  • Your relationships deepen and you feel supported. 
  • Your day-to-day journey continuously moves you closer to fulfilling your purpose and realizing your potential.

Sounds amazing, right?

Are you ready to finally say goodbye to overwhelm and start feeling empowered again? Here’s how you can get started!

How to Live Your Best Life Now: 5 Practices to Free Yourself from Overwhelm and Reach Your Potential

#1 Find Your Purpose

Your purpose is your life’s mission — it defines your goals and guides you to live your best life.

But there are many women who don’t know their purpose yet. In one survey asking people what they think the purpose of life is, over half of the participants were unsure or didn’t know.

That’s why the first step to living your best life is finding your purpose.

Is your purpose in the professional space? If so, your best life may be advancing in your career or building a business you love.

Or maybe your purpose resides more with family. Your best life may look like settling down and having many children.

Get clear about your purpose.

After all, if you don’t know where you’re going, how do you know you’re headed in the right direction?

What is your life’s purpose? Share it in the comments below!

#2 Plan and Take Action

There generally comes a time when you get tired of thinking about your best life and choose to live it instead. And that starts with planning and taking action.

The secret to living your best life is setting actionable steps that lead you to the person you want to become.

And sometimes living your best life means having a BIG goal. It can help to create a game plan that breaks that goal into smaller actionable steps.

For example, I’m currently working on my dissertation. There are many steps between getting started and presenting it before a committee. I have to break down the process into smaller steps, like brainstorming, researching, outlining, writing, and editing.

Let’s say your best life means living lighter and more organized. Decluttering your home is a HUGE project to tackle. Your game plan might be to declutter and organize by room:

  • Week 1: kitchen
  • Week 2: living room
  • Week 3: bedrooms
  • Week 4: bathrooms
  • Week 5: garage

Achieving your best life can be hard work but taking smaller steps consistently will help you get there without losing your sanity!

Achieving your best life can be hard work but taking smaller steps consistently will help you get there without losing your sanity! Click To Tweet

#3 Make YOU a Priority

As women, we often give away our time and energy to others before giving it to ourselves. And if you neglect your well-being, you’ll quickly feel signs of burnout.

If you want to live a life where you feel empowered, energized, and inspired, remember to put taking care of YOU at the top of that list.

And that includes respecting your body.

When you don’t get enough sleep, drink enough water, or eat the right nutrients, you take your body for granted. This is a disservice to yourself and your goals because, without your body, there is no best life.

Right now, although gyms and restaurants have reopened, you may not feel it’s safe to frequent these places yet.

Instead, you can take this opportunity to cook healthier meals at home. Go for more walks (with your dog, if you have one) around the neighborhood. Do a workout program in your living room!

Treat your body well and it will do amazing things for you.

#4 Embrace Gratitude

When was the last time you noticed the abundance in your life?

If you think about it, all you need to live is food, water, and shelter.

Anything beyond that is a blessing granted by your hard work and by the grace of your Higher Power.

Each day you’re safe from coronavirus is another opportunity to express gratitude for all you have, especially your health.

Yes, your best life might mean striving for more but don’t forget the blessings that already touch your life.

#5 Commit to Lifelong Learning

Just because you graduate high school or college shouldn’t suggest that your education is over.

If you feel like you’re in a rut, the culprit might be lack of inspiration and your creative well may be collecting cobwebs.

Life is meant to be a journey where you’re moving forward, learning, and growing. I know that staying safe at home might tempt you to indulge in more screen time, but consider it an opportunity to learn something new.

Find a new hobby to help you tap into your creative flow. Learn a new skill you can monetize. Start reading and creating more!

Your Best Life Awaits You

Creating your best life can feel scary.

Maybe you don’t think you’re good enough… smart enough… pretty enough.

I’m here to tell you, “You are enough.”

It’s okay to love yourself. You can put yourself first, tend to your own needs, and then give back to the world without feeling overwhelmed with life.

You and I live in a FRIENDLY universe that is ready to grant you the change you want…

Yet first, you must be ready to receive it.

If you welcome it with open arms, you can reclaim your PASSION and start creating a life you TRULY desire.

You have the power to create positive change in your life.

And sometimes, you need a little help getting there. Because finding the time and energy to start making these incredible changes can feel nearly impossible when you’re overwhelmed with everything else going on in your life.

Don’t give up on yourself.

If you need help getting past overwhelm and taking action towards your best life, sign up for a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session with me. 

In this 60-minute consultation you’ll:

  • Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you no longer have so much on your plate and are enjoying your life again
  • Get simple and practical tips for how to break free from your symptoms of overwhelm
  • Tap into greater energy and inspiration 
  • Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.

Click here now to sign up for a complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session.

Your best life awaits!

Stop Being a People-Pleaser and Learn How to Let Go of Other People’s Opinions [Letting Go Series Part 3]

I wonder what they think about me.

I hope I didn’t embarrass myself.

Maybe I should do this just to make them happy… Even though I really don’t want to.

Do you ever find yourself thinking about how other people perceive you? You might even go out of your way just to make a good impression.

If you put other people’s thoughts and needs before your own, you might be a people-pleaser. While it’s great to want to build positive relationships, trying to please other people can compromise your own well-being.

In this article, I provide tips on how to stop being a people-pleaser so you are able to put more of your time and energy towards caring for yourself.

What Is a People-Pleaser?

A people-pleaser is someone who constantly tries to get the approval of other people. They will go out of their way to meet someone else’s needs — often at the expense of their own time, energy, and well-being.

A people-pleaser is someone who constantly tries to get the approval of other people. They will go out of their way to meet someone else’s needs — often at the expense of their own time, energy, and well-being. Click To Tweet

The Pitfalls of Being a People-Pleaser

Putting everyone else’s opinions and needs before your own leaves you vulnerable to:

  • Loss of Authenticity: You go along with others, even if you don’t agree. Failure to stand for what you believe over time can lead to uncertainty about what you really want or how to be true to yourself.
  • Not Valuing Yourself: Each time you say yes to someone else’s needs, you lose an opportunity to say yes to your own. Where you choose to allocate your valuable time and energy indicates what (and who) you truly value.
  • Physical Burnout: Your time and energy are finite resources. When you don’t make yourself a priority and practice regular self-care, you may suffer from signs of burnout — exhaustion, stress, and overwhelm.
  • Decreased Self-Esteem: Constantly putting other people’s needs before your own can cause low self-esteem. You may begin to believe that your needs and desires are secondary or really don’t matter at all.
  • Exploitation: People will begin to exploit your good nature and insecurities. This creates a one-sided relationship where they constantly take, and you continuously give.

 

Why Do We Become People-Pleasers?

If the dangers of being a people-pleaser are problematic, why might you (and many other women) continue doing it? Often, it’s because you’re uncomfortable with conflict and confrontation. 

You don’t want to appear disagreeable to others. “You fear that you’ll lose that person if you say no. You don’t want to be ‘rejected’ or ‘abandoned,’” says Psych Central. So, you follow the crowd.

Insecurity is another common reason. Low self-esteem may lead you to use other people’s opinions of you to define your worth. Unfortunately, this dependency can cause you to go above and beyond for other people, leaving you burned out and overwhelmed in the process.

Are you ready to stop being a people-pleaser and reclaim your time and energy for yourself? Here are five tips for making yourself a priority again.

Stop Being a People-Pleaser: 5 Tips to Help You Let Go of Other People’s Opinions

#1 Understand Your Priorities

When you’re a people-pleaser and agree to do a favor, especially something you disagree with, you’re expending time and energy — valuable resources that you could have used for yourself.

Instead of using other people’s opinions to determine your actions, let your values and priorities guide you.

For example, let’s say your current priority is health and nutrition. But your partner wants to eat out every other evening. Instead of constantly relenting, explain to your partner that you’re striving to be healthier. Propose that you cook healthy homemade meals instead.

Clear priorities help you make decisions that better align with your well-being.

#2 Understand That You Are at Choice

Over time, saying yes too often can form a habit. You’re so used to accommodating other people that agreeing to something — even if you don’t want to — is an automatic behavior.

You can put an end to this pattern by accepting that you are actually at choice. You don’t have to default to yes. You can say no to a request if it does not align with your values and priorities at the moment.

If you are willing to do this, I have a challenge for you.

The next time somebody asks you to go out of your way for something, say no. You don’t have to explain yourself. Just thank them for considering you and respectfully decline.

#3 Set Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most effective ways for you to stop being a people-pleaser. Remember: each time you give away your time and energy, you have less for yourself.

To help you set better boundaries, pull out your calendar and start blocking out time for self-care and personal growth. For example, you could commit Saturday evenings to eating your favorite meal and taking a warm bubble bath. And you could dedicate 30 minutes each morning to journaling and meditation.

Blocking out “me” time in your schedule helps prevent your people-pleasing tendencies from dominating all your time and energy.

#4 Replace “I can’t” With “I don’t”

When you’re a chronic people-pleaser, saying “no” or “I can’t” can feel like the most daunting task. It may take time, but learning assertive communication will help you create boundaries and stand up for yourself.

Instead of coming up with excuses to avoid seeming rude, try being direct. 

For example, even though you work from home all day, you’re still exhausted when you clock out. But you always have a friend who wants to meet for drinks and dinner. Instead of making excuses, give yourself permission to simply say, “I don’t go out on weekday evenings.”

Or let’s say your friend is always asking for favors and requests. If you’re busy or you’re feeling unwell, simply say “I don’t have availability to do that at this moment.” Over time, people will learn to understand and respect your boundaries.

This might feel uncomfortable at first, but with enough practice, assertive communication will become second-nature.

#5 Restore Order to Your World

Too often, women seek validation in external sources — their friends and family, status, the number of likes from social media.

And sometimes, this behavior stems from your life feeling chaotic and unorganized. 

You’re overwhelmed by all external forces: work, caring for your family, staying safe during a pandemic. You might also be coping with internal struggles: poor self-esteem, anxiety, and powerlessness.

To help you feel beautiful and empowered again, I invite you to claim a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session with me. 

In this 60-minute consultation, you’ll:

  • Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you no longer have so much on your plate and are enjoying your life again
  • Get simple and practical tips for how to break free from your symptoms of overwhelm
  • Tap into greater energy and inspiration 
  • Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.

Click here now to schedule a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session.

How to Let Go of Negative Self-Talk and Reclaim Your Power and Value [Letting Go Series Part 2]

“Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place.” ~ Beverly Engel

Do you ever realize that you’re criticizing yourself? Telling yourself that you’re not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough?

Some days it may feel like you just can’t measure up. 

Negative self-talk is a nasty habit that many women struggle with. And this is unfortunate, because it’s a barrier to manifesting our greatest desires in life.

In this article, I share tips on how to let go of negative self-talk, so you can create a healthier and more empowering relationship with yourself.

Let’s begin.

Examples of Negative Self-Talk (And Why It’s Dangerous)

There’s no way I can do that. 

I should just stay quiet. 

Somebody is more qualified than me.

I’m so stupid.

No one will ever love me.

… The list goes on.

What we know for sure, from the research of quantum physicists, is that words have the power to harm us, especially when they come from the voice in our head. If you engage in negative self-talk for long enough, you’re more vulnerable to:

  • Depression
  • Body dysphoria
  • Stress
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Limited thinking and conditioning
  • Perfectionism
  • Self-belittling

How you perceive yourself can affect every aspect of your life. When you constantly tell yourself that you’re not good enough, you begin to internalize it. You stop trying new things and putting yourself out there in the world.

When you believe you’re unworthy of success, you stop pushing yourself. You get stuck in a rut and don’t advance in your career or education.

When you believe the lies you tell yourself, they manifest in your reality.

Why Do We Get Stuck in Negative Self-Talk?

You can fall victim to negative self-talk because you believe you know yourself best. You’re an honest judge of your strengths, weaknesses, and capabilities—or so you tell yourself.

So when you say you’re not smart enough, you believe it is an objective assessment of yourself. When other people tell you otherwise, you don’t believe them. 

They’re just being polite, you tell yourself. They don’t want to hurt my feelings.

But see, what you tell yourself is not always the truth and often other people’s input is genuine. 

It may help to know that you’re not the only woman experiencing this. The Huffington Post shares a report by Dove that reveals 4 in 5 women in Australia have low self-esteem.

So, how can you improve your perception of yourself? 

How do you finally let go of negative self-talk and start loving the woman you see in the mirror?

Let Go of Negative Self-Talk: 5 Tips to Remind You of Your Power and Value

#1 Be Conscious of Your Thoughts

Sometimes negative thoughts are difficult to spot—they slip into your thought stream like a soft whisper.

Do your best to be conscious when this happens. And when you find yourself being critical with yourself, pause.

Observe the thought. Question why it emerged in the first place. 

When you analyze your thoughts, you might notice patterns. 

For example, you might discover that your negative thoughts often occur when you’re overwhelmed at work. Or maybe you become self-critical because you skipped a day of exercise.

Once you notice these patterns, you can choose habits that encourage positive self-dialogue instead. 

#2 Say a Morning Affirmation

Adding uplifting affirmations into your daily ritual will help you let go of your negative self-talk. You can counter and turn around your critical self-talk with affirmations. Let’s take a look at the following scenarios:

You’re thinking: I’m not worthy of love.
Say aloud: I am worthy of unconditional love.

You’re thinking: I’m not capable of doing that.
Say aloud:  I am fully capable of achieving whatever I work towards.

You’re thinking: I don’t belong here.
Say aloud:  I belong here.

You’re thinking: I’m worthless. Everyone else is more important.
Say aloud:  I have value and make my needs and desires a priority.

You’re thinking: I’m unworthy of help. Nobody would want to anyway.
Say aloud:  Even though I’m a powerful woman, others are happy to help me. I give myself permission to accept support.

You’re thinking: I’m not qualified to make a decision on this. I should ask somebody else.
Say aloud: I trust my experience and intuition when it comes to making thoughtful decisions.

When you experience a negative thought and quickly follow it with a positive affirmation — a reminder of your worth and value — you slowly reprogram your undesirable internal chatter.

Eventually, you understand that even if you have traits to be worked on, you also have magnificent strengths.

#3 Embrace Empathy

“If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment,” says Dr. Brene Brown in a Ted Talk. “If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it… Click To Tweet

Brené Brown, Ph.D., research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, talks about the relationship between negative self-talk and shame. When you experience shame, you internalize the belief that you are unworthy of love and belonging.

“If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment,” says Dr. Brown in a Ted Talk. “If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive.” 

Empathy is a cure for shame and negative self-talk. Shame simply cannot survive when you hear the words, “I understand but those thoughts aren’t true” — even if you are saying it to yourself.

So, whenever you hear shame building up in your heart, tell yourself those words.

I understand but those thoughts aren’t true.

Say it as many times as you need to until the shame subsides. You hold power over your mind and body.

#4 Surround Yourself with Positive People

Your environment has a more significant impact on your mindset than you might think, and that includes the company you keep.

If you continuously associate with negative people who complain often, you’re likely to adopt those same habits. You begin seeing life through a negative lens, which includes your self-perception. In addition, negative people will distract you or even resent you if your mission is to experience a life where you’re thriving, empowered, and joyful.

Sometimes, prioritizing your well-being means letting go of negative people. But letting go of friendships — even the negative ones — can be emotionally daunting.

To ease into this, you can slowly distance yourself from these negative people. Be around them less. Talk to them less. Or, you can take a more assertive approach — tell them outright that you’re moving in a new direction, and while you’re thankful for their friendship, it’s time to part and go your separate ways.

Moving forward, be mindful of the friends you choose. It’s often helpful to seek out people who embody the traits you want to manifest within yourself.

For example, if you want to lead a more active lifestyle, you can sign up for online fitness communities or join a local hiking group. Or maybe you want to reconnect with your faith and Higher Power. You can join online faith-based groups or visit your local center of worship.

You can also find new friends who share your interests. There are online Facebook and Meetup groups for nearly any hobby imaginable — knitting, business, mindfulness, fitness. Connect with like-minded women as you learn and grow your skills alongside each other.

Building reliable support systems with empowered and uplifting women can help you build a healthier relationship with yourself.

#5 Seek Balance in Your Life

Excessive negative self-talk can also stem from chaos in your life.

Earlier this year, you may have been overwhelmed with work, tending the home, and caring for the kids. Now, you worry about staying healthy amid a global pandemic.

You might be finding that you barely have a moment to breathe!

How is it possible to turn around your negative thoughts when your mind is like a whirlwind? 

If you need support  in sorting through the external and internal turmoil, I invite you to claim a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session with me. 

In this 60-minute consultation, you’ll:

  • Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you no longer have so much on your plate and are enjoying your life again
  • Get simple and practical tips for how to break free from your symptoms of overwhelm
  • Tap into greater energy and inspiration 
  • Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.

Click here now to schedule a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session.

How to Live in the Present Moment: Let Go of the Past and Future [Letting Go Series Part 1]

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” ~ Buddha.

Life is always unfolding in the present moment.

…In each breath you take… each memory you create… each moment you experience…

Yet, we often forget this. You move through time without realizing the precious minutes passing. You forget to observe all that is around you. So many valuable moments go unseized.

Why is it so hard to live in the moment? 

The answer often has to do with which time frame you’re living in. Instead of living day by day, you’re stuck in the past. And present circumstances have you feeling worried and anxious about the uncertain future.

But the past has already happened. And the future is yet to come. It’s time to shift your focus and learn how to live in the present moment. 

“Time is a precious commodity,” wrote Dr. Elyssa Barbash in Psychology Today. “Don’t mentally rush through it or wish it away. Savor the moments”. Here are a few tips to help you cherish the fleeting, but beautiful moments you live every day.

Ease Your Worry and Anxiety and Learn How to Live in the Present Moment With These 5 Tips

#1 Let Go of the Past

How can you turn the page when you’re flipping through the previous chapters? Click To Tweet

How can you turn the page when you’re flipping through the previous chapters? 

When you’re stuck on what has already passed, you deny yourself of the possibilities in this present moment.

If there’s a memory you’re holding onto, let go.

If you’re holding onto resentment because of an unhappy childhood, let go.

If you’re holding onto anger because a close friend wronged you, let go.

If you’re holding onto fear because you made a terrible mistake, let go.

If you’re holding onto doubt because you tried and failed, let go.

Letting go is key to accepting what has passed so that your focus can arrive at the present moment.

#2 Choose to Forgive

If you feel that someone has hurt you, forgiveness can seem nearly impossible. How can you forgive when you’re experiencing deep hurt, anger, and even resentment? And you have every right to feel this way.

Yet, remember that holding onto the past might lead you to miss incredible opportunities in the present moment. Opportunities that could manifest more beauty and love and compassion in your life today.

But how do you do it? How do you forgive somebody when the memory feels fresh and your heart still aches?

Try this.

With a pen and paper, find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. In this safe space, write a letter to the person who hurt you.  Share your emotions. Explain how they hurt you and why you feel this way. Don’t hold back. At the end of the letter, write “I forgive you.”

Once you’ve finished, you can make the choice to send the letter or not.

Whether you send the letter doesn’t matter because forgiveness does not have to involve the other person. Forgiveness is a decision you make.

And you may not feel like you’ve moved on the first time; you may need to write another letter. Forgiveness is a process. Yet, each letter you write permits negative emotions to flow out of your heart and to ink on paper.

Eventually, you release yourself from the overwhelm of those negative emotions. You liberate yourself, so you can appreciate what is happening in the here and now.

#3 Plan for the Future, But Live Day by Day

No matter how well you prepare, the future is never guaranteed. Especially in these present times, much of the future holds uncertainty. This realization might leave you feeling helpless… hopeless, even.

But constant worrying about the future can blind you from the countless blessings touching your life today. Right now, you’re still breathing. You still have your loved ones. And you can still cultivate a sanctuary of love and compassion within yourself.

The future is yet to come. However, these things are within your power at this very moment. 

So, plan for the future. And also practice daily habits that keep you grounded in the present. 

For example, you can create long-term goals that stretch months or even years into the future. Yet, there are rituals you can practice each day that will shift your attention back to the present:

  • Meditation
  • Journaling
  • Spending time with loved ones
  • Enjoying a hobby
  • Strolling outside in the sunshine

These small, daily habits are a reminder that the present is unfolding now — don’t let these moments go uncherished.

#4 Treasure Your Relationships

You’re born, and then you die. In the middle is where the magic happens. In the middle, you and your loved ones forge powerful bonds and create unforgettable memories. These memories remind you of the beauty and temporal nature of life. 

Show gratitude for the support systems you’ve cultivated by sharing your time. Especially now with physical distancing, a video call where you can see each other’s faces and hear each other’s laughter can feel like you’re in the same room. Having your loved ones with you is a blessing. Treasure them and they will keep you grounded in the beauty of the present moment.

#5 Fully Immerse Yourself in Creative Flow

One of the best ways to root yourself in the present moment is tapping into your creative flow.

Think about it.

Have you ever thrown yourself into a passion project, looked up, and it’s already dark outside? You lost track of time because you were so immersed in your endeavor.

Your mind was neither stuck in the past nor projected into the future. You were focused entirely on the here and now.

If you find yourself revisiting the past or worrying about the future, nurture a hobby. Expressing your creativity may be what you need to help you live in the moment.

What is something you practice in your life to help you feel more present? Share it in the comments below.

Shift Your Attention to the Here and Now

When you shift your attention to the present, beautiful things happen.

You begin to appreciate the moment fully. You can pause, take stock of your life, and realize the number of blessings that touch your life every day.

You have your health. You have your loved ones. And you have a beautiful voice inside you proclaiming  how strong, wise, and powerful you are.

Living in the present moment lets you practice daily gratitude and love yourself as you are.

In these uncertain times, it’s understandable to feel fear and anxiety. If you need additional support guiding your focus back to the present moment, then claim my gift of an “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session. 

In this 60-minute consultation, you’ll:

  • Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you no longer have so much on your plate and are enjoying your life again
  • Get simple and practical tips for how to break free from your symptoms of overwhelm
  • Tap into greater energy and inspiration 
  • Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.

Click here now to sign up for a Complimentary “Overcoming Overwhelm” Discovery session.

 

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